Friday, January 12, 2007

I couldn't resist

So I'm cruising IMDb, like I love to do, and I start reading a story about how Harrison Ford turned down $20 Million to play Han Solo in another Star Wars movie, and instead will play Indiana Jones in a fourth IJ movie.

I'm fairly deep in the thread, and I see this entry by a certain Mr. Roadkill, and I couldn't help but post it:

Okay, here's the REAL deal.

Harrison Ford took the Indiana Jones role over the Han Solo one because it's going to be a much better movie.

The rumour that it takes place in the sixties is true, and fits in nicely with the Mr Ford's present age.

What hasn't been widely revealed is that Sean Connory *will* be in the movie, although the role will probably surprise many people.

Since Satan owns the pink slip for the soul of pretty much everyone who has ever worked in motion pictures, he can shuffle the deck however he sees fit... and some interesting studio mergers mean that Sean Connory will play an elderly James Bond who fell through a temporal rift as the result of Xindi interference with Earth history - the theory being that if they could get all the kids hooked on beer and acid and dope then warp drive would never be invented. Little did they realise that Optimus Prime would ride in on My Little Pony and save the day by assassinating Kennedy and illegitimately fathering Rosie ODonnell with, you guessed it, Rosie ODonnell - who fell through the same temporal rift James Bond fell through. Pygmies re-discover left-over gou'auld technology that permits them to build hypersonic blow-dart weapons, which are capable of destroying ICBMs and thereby save the USA from the tyranny of total destruction when they decide to make the Ukraine glow in the dark...which happens two-thirds of the way through the movie, because the Ark of the Covenant (which was stolen from Area 51 by the Xindi) has been given to the Russians, who are using it to try to re-animate a cut-n-shunt SuperPolitician they've made from the cryogenically preserved remains of Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Walt Disney - but exposure to nuclear fallout causes this re-animated monstrosity to sprout wings and fly to Tokyo, where as Mothra it does battle with Godzilla until Indiana Jones...

Sorry, I've given too much away already. You'll just have to buy a ticket like everybody else.

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